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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?